Patience, people....

For those of you who don't know my educational background, I graduated from St.Cloud State with a degree in Community Psychology....For those of you going, "huh"??? Let me explain. My classes were kind of a mix between social work classes, psychology of the brain, child development classes, ethics, stats, etc etc... I actually love school. I love learning in general (lame, right?) and wouldn't be surprised if I end up going back some day to get my Masters.... In addition to my classes, my major required me to take a lot of behavior modification classes. In a nutshell, how to change the behavior of someone. Pretty useful information, especially when you have children, and work with children, right?? Most of it actually seems like common knowledge sometimes, but we don't always do it. Let me rephrase that... I don't always do it.
Ryder is 5 years old. 90% of the time, he is SO easy going and lovable. Since he is 5 and is capable of dressing, bathing, eating, playing, by himself (or mostly by himself) sometimes I feel like I treat him older than he is...Or at least, I forget that he is still straddling the line of dependence and independence as a kid. As his parent when I am laying in bed with him saying his prayers at night, I ALWAYS pray for my kids (both of them) to learn to be "kind, respectful, hard working, happy, and  honest". Pretty much in those exact words. If there are a few things I really want them to "get" in life, those are a few of the most important, in my opinion.
So why am I blogging about this? Why am I sharing my shortcomings as a parent with you? Let's go back to what I was saying earlier, about Ryder straddling the line of independence and dependence (and will likely continue to be for many many years to come!) I have noticed this shift in Ryder (maybe in part because of his age, or possibly with the birth of a new baby sister) where sometimes he just wants to be "big" and "growed up" (his own words). Other times, I will tell him not to do something, and if he doesn't like to tone of my voice, or the fact that I had to correct him on something, he will absolutely burst into tears much like a 2 or a 3 year old would do. This is not actually typical Ryder behavior, and so it frustrates me. After all, he is growing up, growing older, becoming more independent, why start these "babyish acts" now?? Then, in return I get more upset/angry with Ryder, which then upsets  him more (because like a good little boy, he doesn't like to disappoint his parents) and the cycle goes on and on! So, behavior modification....Common sense sometimes, but difficult to practice in real life all the time. I know (when I'm thinking rationally) that if I want Ryder's behavior to change, I need to first figure out what it is that he's getting out of his behavior. In most cases, it's probably my attention. Now, if I was a perfect parent, (which I SO am not) I would be SO good at providing Ryder with positive reinforcement regularly throughout the day that this would probably not even be an issue. Clearly, that's not happening. Or at least, it's not happening enough. The "smart" mommy in me says that instead of trying to correct all of his outbursts with punishment AFTER the fact, I need to consciously be rewarding him for positive things that I notice throughout the day. The hope is that a great deal of his negative behavior would decrease, and he would continue the positive behavior more frequently since his main goal is positive attention from mommy... Am I confusing you? If so, no worries, I confuse myself all the time. Let me just say---it makes sense in my head :) Now, I may have just spent the last 20 minutes of Piper's naptime blogging about how I have the answer to my own problem, but I promise you that it doesn't mean my problem is solved. It just simply means that as I reflect, I realize that I do know better than this (something I say to Ryder all the time, interestingly enough) and I CAN do better, as a mom. At least, I'm willing to try.... If I want to teach Ryder (and Piper) to be kind, respectful, hard working, honest, and happy, I should probably lead them by example, right? Woah. Mind boggling stuff here for a Thursday morning, I know.... Like I said, common sense, but sometimes the things that seem easiest in theory can be the hardest to put into action.
Therefor, I decided to try something new with Ryder starting this week. I am in the process of making him a little 'punch card' and whenever he does a good deed without being told to, or if I just notice something really positive that he's doing (random act of kindness?), he will be getting a sticker on his card. When he fills it up, he will get different rewards (a special "date" with mom and dad, going to a movie, etc). He's super excited about it and so am I. Although there are many things that Ryder currently needs to work on, so do I... Patience being one of those things. So, as always in this house, we'll give it a try and maybe it will work great, and maybe it won't, but either way, it's worth giving it a shot.